She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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