i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize