She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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