Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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