perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
organizing the empties. That sober.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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