I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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