final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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