If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
