the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
