we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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