I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
