My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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