pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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