I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
