I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
