yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
