He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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