we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
