I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
