I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
