She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
