Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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