I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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