Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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