How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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