Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
