I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
