I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry about my life...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
