Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
