I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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