we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
