break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
