She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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