At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
