if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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