I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sober January is a disaster.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
