the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
