is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
