The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
