Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
