i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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