you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"