Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS