Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
