found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge