he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss