Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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