im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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