why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours