Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.