I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
