I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
