oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
