A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
