Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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