We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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