Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
