got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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