Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
