Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
