I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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