she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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