What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
