I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
