it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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