To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
