Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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