Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
this hospital has no fireball
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
