There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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