I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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